regardless of what you call this peculiar, arrestingly uninviting nonsense, the fact of the matter is that it's the only blockbuster of 2016 that left me desperate for a sequel
it's the kind of movie that opens with an underlit, subtitled, text-prefaced, and deeply boring prologue that some genre filmmakers seem convinced provides an instantly mesmerizing entree into their joyless world-building
if you're unfamiliar with the game, you may be confused by what's going on and why anyone would even bother playing it. If you have played, you'll wonder how the moviemakers could mess things up so badly and squander the game's rich tapestry of stories
Assassin's Creed is resolutely stone-faced, ditching the humdrum quips that are par for the course in today's blockbusters. But this is almost two hours of convoluted hokum that might have benefited from a few self-deflating jabs