The new mom gets candid as she opens up about falling into depression and starting to despise her fiance as she juggled motherhood after giving birth to their first child.
- Oct 1, 2020
AceShowbiz - New mum Nikki Bella suffered a "massive" breakdown weeks after giving birth as she fell into postpartum depression.
The retired wrestler and "Total Bellas" reality star welcomed her first child, son Matteo, with "Dancing With the Stars" professional Artem Chigvintsev in July (20), just a day before her twin sister Brie gave birth to son Buddy with her wrestler husband, Daniel Bryan.
But Nikki's joy at motherhood soon turned into the baby blues as she struggled to care for her boy when Artem headed back to work on the latest run of the ballroom dancing show, and she began filming another season of "Total Bellas".
"I've always prided myself that I can fight a lot of things mentally," Nikki shared on the "Total Bellas" podcast. "I'm very strong in that way. (But) postpartum has knocked me on my a**. This is something that is way different."
She started feeling "super depressed" as she juggled the responsibilities of parenthood, but it wasn't until Nikki "broke down" after she "refused to ask for help" that she realised things desperately needed to change for the sake of her own sanity.
"I think Brie was the first person who's asked me in weeks: 'How are you doing?' " she said. "I was about to say, 'Fine,' and my lips started shaking and I burst into alligator tears. Like, I broke down. Because that was the first time someone asked me in a while how I was doing, and I wasn't doing OK."
Nikki reached out to her doctor, who helped her recognise the signs of postpartum depression as she dealt with "feeling lonely and not loved and invisible."
Her failing mental health also seriously impacted her relationship with fiance Artem, who she had started to despise during the lowest of her lows, but after an honest heart-to-heart, the couple found a way to support one another through the tough transition.
"He's like, 'At times, I felt like you were starting to hate me,'" Nikki recalled. "He's like, 'You could be mean.' And I'm not gonna lie, I did have moments of being mean. I did have moments when I looked at him and I hated him. It's true. There were times I'd look at him and I'm like, 'I think I hate you.' "
Nikki isn't alone in her postpartum struggles, as Brie, who is also mum to three-year-old daughter Birdie, confessed she had "been there" too, although she knew her sister was fighting a bigger battle.
"I had a little bit of postpartum depression," Brie confided to her twin. "When I looked at you, it's more than just being sleep-deprived. 'She's lonely. She's doing a lot of this on her own...' Being parents was never supposed to be this lonely."
