Celebrity

Girls' Generation's Taeyeon, meanwhile, reveals that the Christmas tree she has on her concert is a gift from the late SHINee member, whom she dubs 'a friend who left on a faraway trip.'

• Dec 25, 2017

AceShowbiz - A week has passed, but a lot of K-Pop stars are still reeling from the sudden passing of SHINee member Jonghyun in an apparent suicide. One of them is Jonghyun's senior as well as labelmate Super Junior's Leeteuk, who takes to his Instagram account to share an emotional message for the late singer/songwriter.

"...No one can say they knew you well and there probably isn't a person who can say they shared everything with you because you guys were close. One person's loneliness, anger, sadness...I think I'll have to think about it a lot for the time being on if you made the final choice because you had no road to express them and what is being said to the people left," the "Black Suit" singer writes.

"My heart aches more as I feel that I couldn't pull harder on the hand that reached out for help. It was too heavy of a weight to say it was endurable because you were a celebrity and to give up one thing, you walked a long way for you to do this or that which hurts my heart even more," the Super Junior leader adds.

Leeteuk later recalls his memories he shares with Jonghyun, writing, "The day before I sent you off, the image of when you came into my dream to tell me I need to be happier while you smiled brightly at me is still fresh in my eyes. Everyone faces hardships and pain but those cannot be measurable and the emotions one feels in those situations will be the hardest to bear."

He also opens up about his depression and even talks about having a suicidal thought himself. "I, too, experienced with severe depression and thought to myself at times that it might be better to die than live and breathe which made each day difficult," he shares. "In the military, they probably thought I was just putting on a show and those perceptions made it even harder, this lasted for almost a year but I managed to pull through."

He concludes his lengthy message with a positive message, though. "Because I have been through this experience, it would have been a little better if there was an even the smallest way out...It might be because it's Christmas but I'm feeling the deepness of term Christmas miracle. I feel that it's important to live happier from now on. I hope everyone spends every and each day as a special day just like Christmas," Leeteuk writes.

..그 누구도 너를 잘안다고 말할수 없고 그 누구도 너랑 친해 모든걸 공유 했다고 말할수 있는 사람은 없을것이다 한 사람의 외로움이,분노가,슬픔이..표현할 길이 없어 마지막의 선택을 했는지 남은 사람들에게 무엇을 말하고 있는지 당분간 생각을 좀 많이 해봐야할거 같다 손잡아달라고 내밀던 손을 더 힘껏 끌어주지 못한 미안함에 더 가슴 시리고 연예인이기에 견뎌할무게라고 하기엔 너무나도 큰 무게였고 어느 한가지를 포기하기엔 많은 길을 걸어왔기에 이러지도 저러지도 못한 그 모습이 더 마음이 아플뿐입니다 보내기 전날 꿈에 찾아와 형 이 더 행복해야한다고 환희 웃고 간 모습이 아직도 눈에 선합니다 누구에게나 시련이나 아픔 고통들이 있지만 그 크기는 서로 잴수없는것이며 자기가 처한 상황에 느끼는 감정이 가장 힘들고 어려울수있을것입니다 저도 우울증을 심하게 겪으면서 살아숨쉬는것보다 죽는게 나을거 같다는 생각에 하루하루가 힘들었고 군대에선 그런나를 그저 쇼하는 모습으로 비춰졌을테고 그런 시선들이 더 힘들었고 그렇게 1년가까이 어렵고 힘든 시간을 견뎌냈고 이런상황을 겪겨봤기에 조금이라도 해소 할수 있는 아주 작은 탈출구가 있었더라면 조금은 나았을텐데...크리스마스라 크리스마스의 기적이라는 단어가 더 깊이 느껴집니다 앞으로 우리는 더 행복하게 살아가는게 중요하다 느껴집니다 모두 언제나 크리스마스 같은 특별한 하루하루 보내길 바랍니다

A post shared by Lee teuk (@xxteukxx) on Dec 24, 2017 at 10:17am PST

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In related news, Girls' Generation's Taeyeon recently revealed the special story behind her Christmas tree which involved her best friend Jonghyun. During one part of her Christmas concert, the "Fine" songstress was giving fans presents, and one fan requested the tree, which she brought all the way from her home to her concert.

"Let me keep this," she explained. "This is a tree that a friend who left on a faraway trip recently gave me as a Christmas gift."

Taeyeon revealed that she got the tree from Jonghyun, adding, "I had the concert with it by me. He was a romantic, kind, warm friend. I think thanks to this, I will be able to keep shining with the tree on even when it's not Christmas. I'll make a promise. I'll sing for a long, long time. I won't go far. I'll stay nearby, sing, and work on music. I promise."

Jonghyun passed away at 27 after found unconscious in a residential hotel, after sending suicidal text messages to his sister. Police believe he died from inhaling toxic fumes as they found coal briquettes burnt on a frying pan upon arriving at the place.

His funeral was held on Thursday with Minho leading the procession with Jonghyun's sister. His groupmates Onew, Key and Taemin carried the casket alongside Super Junior's Leeteuk, Lee Donghae and Eunhyuk.