Small Town Security Episode 2.01 The Wicked Witch of Georgia

At JJK, Brian and Christa read aloud hate mail from viewers of Small Town Security. Christa reads a Facebook comment that says, "They could have put idiots smooshing poo, and it would have been better than Small Town Security."

"Yeah, well f--- them," Joan shouts, pounding her fist on a table.

Lt. Croft's 45th birthday is coming up. Croft hopes to become legally male before the big day, marking it as his "first true birthday." Irwin, meanwhile, shows off his office where his hoarding appears to be worse than ever. He's now collecting Styrofoam cups with notes to himself scrawled on them.

Later, Lt. Croft rubs the Chief's foot while Brian plays a voicemail from a viewer who scolds, "the way you treat that man or woman on your television show is like he's your personal slave." Joan asks Lt. Croft if he feels appreciated. "At least once a day, I don't," he admits.

Interviews with citizens of Ringgold, Georgia show that reactions to the show are mixed. One man calls the JJK team "a bunch of trash." Others say they "love" the show and "think it's awesome." A reporter from the local paper defends JJK, saying, "They're good at what they do. That has nothing to do with whether or not they act stupid or fart in their office."

Because of the show, JJK has lost numerous accounts, so Irwin decides to ramp up efforts to get new business -- but he needs help. Brian is too busy, Joan physically can't handle it, and Lt. Croft has "a little bit of an attitude problem," leaving Christa to be Irwin's new sales and marketing protege.

On patrol with Chief, Croft says he enjoys taking care of Joan, but asks her to show him more kindness. Chief admits that she resents Croft for being in love with her because "I'm not into a half man and a half woman." They also discuss Croft's birthday. Croft says he needs a new fake penis, since three others "didn't hold up to his beating."

Brian helps Christa improve her grammar, having her recite lines like, "I'm a mother pheasant plucker." Irwin also trains Christa in the "secrets of selling" and has her listen to an audiotape called "Say Goodbye to Your Southern Accent." Finally, Irwin takes Christa around town to make cold calls. He listens in on her from the car as she asks, "Is this, like, the business office?" At the end of the day, Irwin is pleased that Christa never got turned away.

At JJK, the team celebrates Lt. Croft's birthday with a penis-shaped cake. Irwin is "mystified" by it, thinking it looks more like a scantily clad woman in a G-string. In her office, Chief privately gives Lt. Croft a card that declares, "I-O-U one penis." Lt. Croft tears up, explaining "this means she's accepting me." Lt. Croft asks Chief if he can show her the promised penis one day. Chief responds, "You can test it out with a girlfriend."