Small Town Security Episode 1.04 Christa Pissta, P.I.

Joan sits in the lobby at the gun range, disgusted by the taxidermy animal heads on the walls around her. She tears up as she talks about seeing baby seals get clubbed to death on TV when she was eight years old. She loads her gun, declares "This is for those a**holes... who killed those baby seals," and fires away at her paper target.

Irwin, Lt. Croft, and Brian join Joan at the range, and Croft is the best shot of the day. "I guess you're a better man than I am," says Joan.

Back at the office, Christa babysits Lambchop while the others are at the range. She says she wants to train to be a private investigator "because I'm nosy." When everyone returns to the office, she asks Joan about it. Joan responds by snorting and asking Christa if the request is just a whim.

Irwin's first cousin, Neil, visits JJK. Everyone in the office finds Neil hilarious except for Christa, who is definitely not amused when Neil refers to her as "double wide."

Later, Irwin, Brian, Lt. Croft, and Joan discuss Christa becoming a P.I. Joan remains skeptical, and Irwin wonders if Christa is too high strung to handle doing hours of surveillance. Croft is more optimistic, noting "They've got female urinal things that you can use sitting in a car... I had one for a long time." Brian also favors giving Christa a chance, noting "Even Yoda had some issues with Luke Skywalker when he first met him, and look at him -- he turned out to be a pretty damn good Jedi."

The next day, Neil visits again, and sits down in the same chair he always sits in. When he stands back up, his pants are soaked, and everyone laughs and accuses him of wetting himself.

In a flashback, it's revealed that before Neil arrived, Christa and Lt. Croft poured water on the chair cushion. Joan wanted Christa to get back at Neil "because of the insults about her big ass," and Croft warns "If you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us."

Back in the present, Neil's wet pants combined with a fart from Lt. Croft cause Joan to laugh uncontrollably, and she actually does wet herself. "Irwin, go home and get me another pair of pants and underpants," she demands.

Irwin shares the story of his "sh*t stick." He reveals he typically can't have a bowel movement without stopping up the toilet, so rather than putting paper on the floor and going there instead, he uses a stick to "chop it up into pieces" and then takes the stick outside "to let it dry."

Christa's P.I. training commences, with Joan guiding her through a course manual, Lt. Croft taking her to the gun range, Brian instructing her on the finer points of surveillance, and Irwin teaching her "the art of lying." Brian then takes Christa to the mall to shadow a woman. As Christa follows her quarry, she is less than covert, at one point telling a salesperson, "Don't mind me, I'm just doing a P.I. case."

Afterwards, Brian convenes with Christa and the woman she was assigned to follow. The woman says she noticed someone with a camera in the food court, but isn't sure if it was Christa. Christa reveals that she changed her appearance to avoid recognition, noting, "I'm a licensed cosmetologist too, so I can do tricks with hair."

Later, the JJK team convenes at a restaurant. Brian says Christa passed her first test, and asks Joan if she can become a "P.I. apprentice." Joan agrees, noting that she has faith in Christa "if she can learn not to talk so much."