Desperate Housewives Episode 5.21 Bargaining

Katherine bribes MJ to ask Mike when he plans to marry her, but Mike dodges the question. When Katherine brings it up again, Mike admits he just doesn't see himself getting married again.

Bree wants to have a "decent" divorce from Orson, until she learns that he's entitled to half of her catering business. An offhand remark from Susan leads her to the "sleaziest, most unethical lawyer in town" -- Karl, Susan's ex! But Karl won't work for her unless she does him a favor: Get his unpopular bully of a son, Evan, invited to MJ's sleepover. Bree bribes MJ with his favorite cookie, macaroons, and tells him he's the only one who can help her get rid of the bully in her life.

Dave calls Susan and invites her and MJ to go fishing with him this weekend, claiming that he wants to do something to thank her for being so good to him since Edie's death.

Tom and Lynette make a pact to have sex every day for a month but when she has to work late, she begs off, promising that they can "double up" tomorrow. Tom won't take no for an answer and shows up at work and shoves the paperwork off her desk. She manages to multitask when she can't duck an urgent call from Carlos. The following day, she's too tired for sex, but finally caves, as long as he "makes it quick," but she's asleep before he can even get started.

Juanita secretly starts wearing makeup so she can look like her mother did on magazine covers. When Gabrielle finds out, Juanita admits that some girls at school told her she must be adopted since she "isn't pretty enough" to be a former model's daughter. To get Juanita to give up makeup, Carlos suggests that Gabrielle not wear makeup for his big dinner as Latino Business Man of the year. Gabrielle reluctantly agrees to make the enormous sacrifice.

The police pay Dave a surprise visit: They've ID'd the body from the nightclub fire as a psychiatrist from Boston and want to know if Dave saw him that night. When Dave says no, they want to know if he saw Jackson, who got locked in the men's bathroom before the fire started. Dave claims not to know anything about it. Since Jackson has left town, they haven't questioned him about that night either.

Jackson returns unexpectedly, asking to see Susan. They catch up over a candlelit dinner at her house, where he tells her, "I have something to ask you and I don't know how you're going to react," and then he asks her to marry him. She bolts to the bathroom before he can finish, sobbing how much she's missed him and that she still loves him. He's forced to admit that he only proposed because he's about to be deported! She angrily kicks him out, shouting, "Get your ass back to the Canadian border!" The next day, Jackson shows up with flowers to apologize to Susan and she says she'll marry him, "But that's it. No love, no sex, just marriage."

Gaby foregoes makeup at Carlos' dinner as agreed, but when a photographer wants to take their photo with the mayor for the newspaper, she runs to the bathroom to borrow some lipstick and eyeliner. She emerges with full makeup and the photographer tells her she looks great, as does a disappointed Juanita.

Gabrielle tells Juanita that being pretty isn't the most important thing in the world, and that she wants Juanita to be "brave, and funny and creative," and not "empty on the inside," like she was when she was a model. Juanita asks when she can wear makeup and Gaby tells her, "The day you realize you don't really need it."

MJ's sleepover is in full swing and Mike goes to find Katherine, who's disappeared. She tells Mike that she suddenly realized that they're not a family, and that it "all could be gone in an instant." She asks if he's still in love with Susan and when he says, "No," she sadly says, "Then it must be me."

Lynette downs three espressos so she won't fall asleep again on Tom, but he's still moody. She thinks he's mad, but he admits that the reason he looks forward to sex with her so much is that, "Right now, you are the only thing in my life that I'm passionate about." He tells her he needs "something else" to be excited about besides housework. When she asks what he wants to do, he has no idea.

Dave shows up with his fishing rod to teach MJ how to use it before their big trip and Susan says she's sorry, but she can't make it after all. "I'm kind of getting married," she explains. Dave is surprised to see Jackson back in the picture.

Now that Bree's completed her end of their deal, Karl says he'll represent her. He asks if she's willing to lie to win and she answers that she realizes she's capable of just about anything. When Bree returns home, Orson has a proposition for her: "I'll make you breakfast in the morning, if you make love to me tonight." "Why not?" she smiles.