Desperate Housewives Episode 3.05 Nice She Ain't

Despondent over Bree trying to stop her affair with her history teacher, Danielle makes a halfhearted attempt to kill herself. Andrew refuses to take the whole thing seriously -- she did try to cut her wrists with a spoon, after all -- and Orson's outburst about how suicide ruins families prompts Bree to take them all to family counseling.

When Bree assures Danielle that she would be devastated to lose her, Danielle says he's going to start dating her teacher, Mr. Faladi, again and if Bree tries to stop her, she'll leave home for good.

Bree's next move is to visit Mr. Faladi and dump Danielle's suitcases on him. She says they have her blessing, but that they'll have to be discreet so Mrs. Faladi won't find out. Recognizing an unwanted complication when he sees one, Mr. Faladi promises to end it with Danielle, but without mentioning Bree.

Danielle is so furious about being dumped that she informs both the school and Mrs. Faladi of the affair. "I wonder where she gets it from," Bree calmly remarks about Danielle's underhanded tactics.

Austin asks Julie to help him with a paper on Othello. She's reluctant, until he tells her why he was in juvie: His mother called the cops on him when he tried to defend her against her abusive boyfriend. Moved by his tale of woe, Julie writes the whole paper. Her temporary good opinion of Austin is shattered when she finds him making out with her friend Sarah. Julie's mad because Sarah blew her off for a movie date, but Austin thinks she must be jealous. When the paper Julie wrote for him earns a D-, she admits she didn't give him the essay she'd actually written on the subject. He says he did learn one thing about Iago -- he was motivated by jealousy.

Susan is trying to jog Mike's memory by playing their song, "Car Wash," and trying to reenact the night they danced to it, but he's completely indifferent. Susan figures out why when she learns that Edie has been visiting Mike -- and that she was the one who was there when he came to. Even worse, the nurse on duty is new and thinks Edie is Mike's girlfriend and that Susan is some crazed stalker.

Susan comes up with a plan to get Mike alone: She hires an ambulance and kidnaps him from the hospital! She takes him on a tour of Wisteria Lane, pointing out the sites where he saw her naked in the bushes and where they had their first kiss, but he doesn't remember any of it. But her tripping on the curb seems familiar to him and she's thrilled he's making progress.

Just then, Edie arrives with her own ambulance to take Mike back. She tells Susan that now it's her turn with Mike and Susan is out of luck. Susan insists that good will triumph over evil, which Edie finds only mildly insulting.

Tom tells Lynette he finally knows what he wants to do: Open a pizzeria! She tries to be supportive, but she confesses to her friends that she thinks he'll fail. Nora overhears this and advises Lynette to nip Tom's dream in the bud or they'll all be broke. So Lynette tries to carefully let Tom down, suggesting he try catering for a few years first. He's hurt that she thinks he won't be a success, so when Nora tells him she thinks he'd be a whiz at it, he's all ears. As Nora tells Kayla, she's working on having Daddy live with them and not his other family.

Gabrielle thinks Carlos is trying to seduce her when she finds her bedroom full of candles and strawberries -- until she finds a pretty blonde in her bath tub! He admits he's just trying to make her jealous, and that introducing your spouse to someone you're about to have sex with is something you'd only do if you really hated them.

Which is the point Gabrielle says she's making when Carlos comes home to find a hated business rival, Phil Lopez, having cocktails with her. He's appalled by their noisy lovemaking, which turns out to just be Gabrielle shaking the bed and shouting Phil's name. Instead of being mad, Carlos takes it as a sign she still loves him, because she had another man in her bed and couldn't "pull the trigger."

She says they'll talk about it in the morning. He's all smiles when he brings her breakfast in bed, and then he sees a strange man asleep next to Gabby. She says she picked him up last night and they spent the whole night "pulling the trigger."

There's a new clue to the identity of the woman whose body the police thought might have been Orson's first wife: A phone number written on her hand. The detective dials the number and gets a recording -- Mike Delfino Plumbing!