The S Club 7 singer couldn't help but blame herself for her former boyfriend's passing as she remembered the 'deeply disturbing' message she received before his death.
- Oct 8, 2023
AceShowbiz - Hannah Spearritt felt guilty over Paul Cattermole's death. The 42-year-old singer was left shaken when her S Club 7 bandmate and former boyfriend Paul, 46, died suddenly in April and revealed she initially feared it was suicide and thought it was her fault.
Hannah's fears was caused by a "deeply disturbing" email she received from Paul in 2021. "I will never ever reveal the contents of that email. It's not in my book and I will take it to the grave. I didn't tell anybody about it at the time because it was pretty clear that he wasn't very well," she told The Sun on Sunday newspaper.
"The things he said were of great concern. It was a lot. I started blaming myself. I had all these things going through my head - it was all blame, blame, blame. It was horrible. I thought maybe he believed the email was about to come out and that perhaps I was about to share it."
However, it was later revealed that Paul's death was caused by cardiac issues but that didn't stop Hannah from feeling overwhelmed and pulling out of the S Club 7 reunion tour with bandmates Rachel Stevens, 45, Jon Lee, 41, Bradley McIntosh, 42, Jo O'Meara, 44, and 47-year-old Tina Barrett.
She said, "I was extremely excited - we all were - to get back as a seven. But then Paul died and everything changed. It gave me time to reflect on whether it was the right thing for me to do. I hadn't been in the best of health - I've got a compromised immune system and stress makes it worse."
"My body just couldn't cope with everything that was happening. I wasn't myself. I was getting these crippling panic attacks, was suffering from really bad vertigo and was tired all the time. It was affecting my kids too, because I had no energy to do anything with them."
"The more I started to think about what it was that I wanted, the more I realised that I just couldn't go back. It was causing me a great deal of stress. It felt like S Club was so long ago, and I know it's a cliché but life is short. It just didn't feel right. In the end, I had to make a decision that was right for me and my family."
