The filmmaker had spent decades hiding behind a 'larger than life' persona when he woke up in a state one morning earlier this year and ended up spending more than a month in intensive therapy at Arizona's Sierra Tucson.
- Apr 27, 2023
AceShowbiz - Kevin Smith had to turn to therapy to deal with childhood trauma. The filmmaker had spent decades hiding behind a "larger than life" persona when he woke up in a state one morning earlier this year and ended up spending more than a month in intensive therapy at Arizona's Sierra Tucson to deal with childhood trauma, which he says included being bullied for his weight and suffering sexual abuse when another child allegedly forced him to perform an act on another girl.
"I was in a weird, dark place. It was scary, a complete break from reality," the 52-year-old told PEOPLE. "At that moment, I wouldn't have been averse to not being around any longer. I called a friend and said, 'I'm in a weird, dark place. I need to go somewhere and get help. I felt disgusting, like I didn't matter. That's when 'the other guy' started to appear."
"I decided to be entertaining and make people love me before they noticed I was fat. I was already a self-loathing mess," he added. " 'The other guy' became my favorite piece of clothing to wear. I'd just let him take over. In the beginning, it was tough to share when somebody's talking about watching their friend get killed and I'm like, 'Well, my fourth-grade teacher told me I was fat. But I learned that there's no differentiation [between levels of trauma] to the human nervous system. Internally, trauma is trauma."
The "Clerks" director went on to share that various mindfulness exercises such as breathing were an "eye-opener" for him but admitted that because he is opening up about his experiences in "Trauma is Trauma: A Mental Health Talk with Kevin Smith" - in which a therapist tells him that even though he thinks he was "just playing doctor in an alleyway" it is "always sexual abuse instructing you to do something against your core values like that" -he is "terrified" of what his fans will think but is willing to help anyone out there who needs it.
"This was eye-opening to me because I'd always spent the majority of my time depressed about the past or anxious over the future," he said. "I'm really interested in seeing if I can finally be comfortable sitting by myself, and just be alone with my thoughts. I'm terrified to see everyone's reaction to [all of this]. But I know there's somebody out there who doesn't know this stuff-like I didn't-who could get something out of this."
