The 50-year-old Oscar-nominated star shares on her talk show that during the dark moment, she did wonder how her son Marcell Johnson would react to her death, thinking that 'he'll get over it.'
- Dec 24, 2020
AceShowbiz - The on-going coronavirus pandemic apparently hugely affects Taraji P. Henson. The "Hidden Figures" actress revealed in a new episode of her Facebook Watch series, "Peace of Mind With Taraji", that she once contemplated to take her own life when she was in "a dark place" while in self-isolation.
"During this pandemic it's been hard on all of us, and I had a moment. I had a dark moment," she recalled in the Wednesday, December 23 episode of the talk show. "I was in a dark place. For a couple of days, I couldn't get out of the bed, I didn't care. That's not me. Then, I started having thoughts about ending it. It happened two nights in a row."
She then remembered that she had recently purchased a gun, prompting her to think about ending it all. "I could go in there right now, and just end it all," she shared. The 50-year-old Oscar-nominated star added that she did think about how her son Marcell Johnson would react to her death. She remembered thinking, "He's grown, he'll get over it."
"I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me, I wasn't responding. I just didn't care. Finally, I'm talking to one of my girlfriends and I knew, I was smart enough to say, 'I have to say it,' " the "Empire" actress continued, adding that "part of" her felt "ashamed."
"I was like, I don't want them to think I'm crazy. I don't want them to, you know, obsess over me or think they gotta come and sit on me," she went on to recall. "So one day I just blurted it out, to my girlfriend. She called me in the morning and I was like, 'You know I thought about killing myself last night. Oh my god, I feel so much better. I'm not gonna do it now.' "
Taraji noted that sharing her feelings to someone helped her ease her mind. "For me, I'm no professional, but I felt like, if I don't say it, it becomes a plan," she divulged. "And what scared me, is that I did it two nights in a row. And the thoughts kept coming."
"Now I started think about how. At first, it was like, I don't want to be here. And then I started thinking about going and getting the gun. And that's why when I woke up the next morning, and I blurted it out. Because I felt like after a while it was going to take over me and it was going to become a plan because that's how strong my brain is," she added.
