AceShowbiz - Evan Rachel Wood has opened up about her suicide attempt and subsequent decision to check into a psychiatric hospital in a harrowing essay for Nylon.
The "Westworld" actress, who is now 31, attempted to take her own life when she was 22, after years struggling with her mental health due to suffering from post traumatic stress disorder brought on by "multiple rapes and a severely abusive relationship that went on for years".
"Looking back, it was the worst, best thing that ever happened to me," she wrote. "It was morning; I felt as though I had been hit by a truck. Then with an almost hysterical acceptance, without thinking, I picked up the phone. It was one of those moments when you have a choice that goes beyond the initial choice you make by calling out for help: You can not die, or you can come back to life."
At that point, Evan called her mother as she realised she didn't actually want to die. Recalling the phone call, Evan continued: "'Mom?... It's me... I just tried to kill myself... I need to go to a hospital.' When I said I needed to go to a hospital, I did not mean I needed to go for any physical injuries I may or may not have had. I meant a hospital for my state of mind."
Prior to checking into the hospital, Evan, who began her screen career as a child, made the decision to change her name in a bid to protect her privacy.
And shedding her former name came as a massive relief to the screen star.
"When it came time to find a psychiatric hospital, my first concern - which most people won't have to worry about - was figuring out a way to get help without anyone finding out, because if they did, any chance I had at rebuilding myself would be severely impaired by the cruelty of strangers," she continued. "I felt some relief at choosing this new name. I couldn't remember what it felt like to not be 'Evan Rachel Wood' - so much of my self-worth was wrapped in that."
Evan concluded her essay by writing: "Depression isn't a weakness, it's a sickness. Sometimes a deadly one. And sometimes all people need is to know that they are loved and that others are there for them."