AceShowbiz - Singer Christina Perri struggled through her first Christmas as a mother after dealing with post-partum depression.
The "A Thousand Years" star and her husband, Paul Costabile, recently celebrated their daughter Carmella's first birthday on 17 January, and as she prepared for the age milestone, Christina took to Instagram to tell fans her first year as a mum has had its fair share of ups and downs.
"The past couple weeks weening off breastfeeding i found it extremely difficult to find joy...," she wrote on Instagram earlier this month. "i'm struggling right now with BALANCE & self care."
Christina, who has previously been candid about her mental health struggles, didn't directly use the term post-partum depression, but now she's opening up further about the tough end to her 2018, admitting it was a "dark" time for her.
"That got me the hardest when I stopped breastfeeding around Christmas. I was so sad and so dark," the musician tells People magazine. "We're almost made to pretend it's not happening, like, 'It's fine. I've got this.'"
Sharing her trials and tribulations with fans online led to an outpouring of support from fellow mums, and Christina insists just speaking out allowed her to lift some of the burden she had been carrying.
"What really helped was talking about it," she says. "It was just overwhelming. It made me feel so much better. All the women said, 'Me too, me too, me too' and really got me through it. I've got my mummy tribe that got bigger because of that."
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i just realized there are about 50 happy photos of me in a row. me & carmella and me & paul and ya know what? i don’t wanna only show that. i mean if i’m being totally honest, carmella does smile 80% of the time- and so does paul lol but i don’t!! especially the past couple weeks weening off breastfeeding i found it extremely difficult to find joy. don’t get me wrong im so grateful to be a mom, to be married and to be working again but let me tell you what i’m having a hard time with because i don’t ever want to seem like i have it all together! i honestly hardly do, & there’s beauty in that. ok, i’m struggling right now with BALANCE & self care. if i could i’d give carmella all 24 of my hours, but i shouldn’t. so i’m having a hard time doing things for me consistently. i’ve been working out a couple times a week for the past couple months & that’s been awesome, but i also struggle with mom guilt. i haven’t been doing a lot of the things i need to do for me to feel ok, so that’s why some days seem so much heavier than others. carmella went from walking to running in one day, so mamas know what that feels like! im lightly terrified every moment she’s awake lol but i feel like that will ebb & flow now for eternity. i’m loving how fun she is. im also loving being creative, practicing piano again everyday, & gearing up for some work/press/travel but i’m also a little sad carmellas already old enough for me to go back to work. that was FAST. she’s so big when she lays across me. i stare at her extra now. also how bittersweet it is for her to not want to hold my hand because she’s so strong & independent. i’m thrilled she’s brave but i’m sad she needs me less. also lastly, i’m having trouble doing things i need to do around the house or in life when she’s asleep, i lay down and totally space out. i want more motivation to do stuff, but sometimes my body is just like nope. so yea, i feel hormonal, guilty, nervous, worrisome, and sad sometimes. sometimes one at a time, sometimes all at once. i’m never not having a big feeling. so there ya go, tired, filter free, in pjs, in bed, almost one year postpartum- that’s me all the moments in between all the smiles💗
Perri, 32, has since been able to pull herself out of the funk, and she's looking forward to a bright future.
"I got married , bought a house and had a baby (within) the same year. Talk about blessings! That's a dream," she smiles. "All I ever wanted was a family, and that's where I'm at now! It's like a f**king Disney movie."
Perri and Costabile tied the knot in December, 2017, on the fourth anniversary of the day they first met, and welcomed little Carmella weeks later.
The baby has already inspired Christina's latest work - her first release as a mum was "Songs for Carmella: Lullabies & Sing-a-Longs", a collection of classic children's tunes, as well as a reworked version of her "A Thousand Years" smash, which dropped to coincide with her child's first birthday.