AceShowbiz - %cYolanda Hadid% has opened up about her long battle with Lyme disease. "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" alum reveals in her memoir "Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisibility of Lyme Disease" that she almost killed herself because the pain was too much for her.
In an excerpt obtained by PEOPLE, Yolanda considered committing suicide during a trip to Florida with ex-husband %cDavid Foster%. "I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting," she writes. "The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water's ebb and flow."
"God please just take me away in a wave. I can't live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear," Yolanda continues. "My next thought is a clear image of my three children. It shifts my consciousness immediately and that's the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown."
Although she almost gave up on living, Yolanda is thankful that she's still given a chance to live. "As difficult as these past five years have been, I am so grateful that this journey has led me to living in the light," she says. "I have had it all and lost it all, only to realize that less is more, money can't buy you health or happiness, and one day at a time is good enough."
The mother-of-three was diagnosed with Lyme disease back in 2012. In 2015, she shared how the disease made her suffer. "I have lost the ability to read, write, or even watch TV, because I can't process information or any stimulation for that matter," Yolanda wrote on Bravo. "It feels like someone came in and confiscated my brain and tied my hands behind my back to just watch and see life go by without me participating in it."
"Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisibility of Lyme Disease" is set to be released on September 12.