Sarah Silverman Talks About Her Battle With Depression
Celebrity

The 'Saturday Night Live' alum says she 'learned to control' her depression 'or at least to ride the waves as best I can.'

AceShowbiz - Sarah Silverman discussed her struggle with depression in an interview with Glamour. The "Saturday Night Live" alum, who plays a depressed mother in her new movie "I Smile Back", recalls, "I first experienced depression when I was 13. I was walking off a bus from a school camping trip."

"The trip had been miserable: I was, sadly, a bed wetter, and I had Pampers hidden in my sleeping bag - a gigantic and shameful secret to carry. My mom was there to pick me up, and she was taking pictures like a paparazzo," she continues.

"Seeing her made the stress of the last few days hit home, and something shifted inside me. It happened as fast as the sun going behind a cloud. You know how you can be fine one moment, and the next it's, 'Oh my God, I f*cking have the flu!?' It was like that. Only this flu lasted for three years. My whole perspective changed."

"I went through several therapists," the comedienne said, adding that one point she took "four Xanax, four times a day." She remembered, "I was a zombie walking through life. And then, a few years later, my mom took me to a new psychiatrist, who got me off meds completely over the course of six months. I remember taking that last half pill at the high school water fountain and finally feeling like myself again."

However, her depression returned when she was 22 during her "SNL" stint. "The whole world was open to me! But one night, sitting in my apartment watching 90210, something came over me again. Though it had been nine years, I knew the feeling immediately: depression. Panic. I'd thought it was gone forever, but it was back," she said.

"Since then I've lived with depression and learned to control it, or at least to ride the waves as best I can," Silverman revealed. "I'm on a small dose of Zoloft, which, combined with therapy, keeps me healthy but still lets me feel highs and lows."

The comedienne who once vowed to never get married also said during the interview, "A few years ago, I casually said something in an interview about being afraid to have kids because I might pass depression on to them, but I don't know if I feel that way anymore."

"A part of me is baby crazy," she explained. "A part of me goes, Why not? And every day I add 'Freeze eggs?' to the end of my to-do list. Then it keeps getting passed on to the next day's list. Maybe I'll adopt."

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