Living in the back room of his father's doctors office, broke and frustrated ladies man Julian (Jake Hoffman) scores his big break when he lands the job directing an off Broadway version of Hamlet. Except it's a bizarre adaptation written by a pale Romanian impresario named Theo (John Ventimiglia) who is actually a master vampire. Theo hopes to lure the real Hamlet (Kris Lemche) out of hiding so the two can end a century's long feud over Shakespeare's Ophelia. Meanwhile, Julian pines for his ex�girlfriend, Anna (Devon Aoki), who is dating Mobster Bobby Bianchi (Ralph Macchio). Added into the mix is a dimwitted detective (Jeremy Sisto) and a terrific score by Sean Lennon.