through it all, Norwegian duo Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg (the Oscar-nominated Kon-Tiki) feel less like directors than shepherds, carefully coloring inside the lines mapped out for them so thoroughly by a $4-billion-dollars-and-counting franchise
the movie has several large action setpieces, but they too swiftly run aground. Unlike the best physical comedy, they don't build; the same gag is simply repeated, until it's not, and the film goes on to something else
the franchise has lost a bit of its luster with every successive installment, but never has a "Pirates" film felt this inessential, this depressingly pro forma
Depp's old Sparrow tricks are enough to keep you entertained for two hours, then Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales may be your cup of grog. But you probably won't remember a thing about it as soon as it's finished